Joe Martin Fitness
Helping others reach their fitness goals and having fun along the way
Crazy people in the gym
73 days
by brawny7878
in Humor
Oh no he's headed towards the inner thigh machine!
One of the main reasons I started a boot camp for women only is because many women are not comfortable in the gym setting. I have been in gyms my whole life and have been ensconced amongst the unique species that inhabit this place. Some call me Gym Goodall…
Have you recovered from that hilarity? Anyway, I have put together a collection of my studies from over the years. These are characteristics I have observed of these different people in their natural habitat.
No wonder so many women do not like the gym.
Oblivious iPod man- This is the guy that has no idea that he is talking extremely loud because he is listening to music. “YEAH I’M DOING GREAT. JUST GOT MY COLONOSCOPY. CLEAN AS A WHISTLE!” This guy can also be the guy that farts and has no idea that people can hear him. Usually passes gas in step with his pace on the treadmill. That one always makes me laugh, mainly because my maturity level never graduated from 2nd grade.
Spandex man- Come on now, we don’t need all that. And if you tuck your shirt into your Spandex you’re just wrong man. I’m torn between wanting to fight this person, vomit, or give them a hug and find out what’s wrong with them.
The Sweaty Caveman- This is the guy that makes you think to yourself, “No wonder he’s sweating so much, he’s working out in a sweater.” Then you realize it’s a tank top and he’s just really hairy. You do not want the machine he just got off of.
Tommy Boy- This is the guy that likes to use as much weight as he can on every exercise, then proceed to move it 3-4 inches. He usually grunts, slams the weights around, and leans on the machines. He does all of this so you will look at how much weight he’s using. Sometimes he just loads up all the plates and doesn’t actually do anything. He is usually doing everything incorrect and likes to ask, “Do you know where the weight room is?” You don’t have to answer, he’ll check it out.
Stuck in the 80′s guy/gal- You can spot this guy or gal easy. The guy will have on those animal print pants that taper at the bottom (Zubaz if you must know), along with a Gold’s Gym sweatshirt that has the sleeves cut off and usually the neck widened. He is guaranteed to ask someone how much they bench at sometime. The gal will have leotards and or leg warmers on. She will be listening to “Physical”. Yes these people are actually out there.
The Count- This is the guy that sounds like he is in a Lamaze class. He breathes really loud and loudly counts every rep in a shaky voice. “Wwwwwwwwwone, tttttttwwwooo…” Sometimes this is a close relative of Oblivious iPod man,
Whatcha workin guy- This guy loves to find out what everyone is working out that day. He is guaranteed to use one or more of the following: pecs, lats, glutes, or deltoids. For some reason he usually has a headband on.
Funkadelic- This is the worst person. The person who has BO or left sweaty clothes in the bottom of the gym bag over the weekend and decides they are still ok to work out in. You can spot them because their shirt will look like a road map with all the wrinkles in it and there is no one anywhere near him. Multiply the funk factor by 3 if the same guy is from Europe or a country ending in –stan. Also a risk for spreading staph infection, so stay away. A close relative is Too Much Perfume/Cologne Person.
Right Said Fred- So sexy he has to always look at himself in the mirror. It’s ok to check your form and all that when you are exercising, but I don’t need to see you putting on a most muscular pose every 45 seconds there Ronnie Coleman.
T-Mobile- The guy who calls people while he’s working out. “No I’m at the gym! Can you believe it?” Working out and talking on the phone do not mix, pick it up a notch if you are able to do this.
Weekend Warrior- This is the guy that bathes in Ben Gay and or Icy Hot before coming to the gym. It is like working out inside a tin of Altoids when this guy comes in. On the plus side he cleans out your sinuses.
The Trainer-this is the guy that goes around giving crappy advice. “Dude you wanna get huge? Well, you gotta start eating caviar. No dude it’s true. I read it Muscle and Fitness. They say Arnold used eat it all the time.”
The Show Dog- The guy that lays out right in the middle of the busiest part of the weight room to stretch or do abs. Or the female that does the splits/spread eagle type stretches where she will get maximum exposure.
Shawty- The dude with the tiny shorts. We’ve all seen him. Waaaaaay too much of him. If I can tell what religion you are, it’s time to get some longer shorts.
Accessory guy- iPod? check. Weight belt? check. Towel? check. Fanny pack? check. Gym bag? check. Wrist bands? check. Knee braces? check. All right now let’s go walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes and pack it all back up.
Misguided youth- The kid that usually is doing curls in the squat rack, getting crushed on the bench press, and flying off the back of a treadmill. Keep your head on a swivel around this kid or you could be hurt.
Excessive nudity person- Enough already, put your towel on like the rest of us. Why does this person always feel the need to bend over all the time too? I walked around the corner and immediately ran up on this. To this day I am legally blind from the incident.
The Hit Man- A master at using a mirror to stare at you creepily. Will more than likely ask you how long you’ve been working out and then offer some advice.
I know many of you are have been to the gym and seen some rare and exotic things. What species have you observed?
Do you have that extra gear?
013 days
Not this one
Or even this one
I have been a fitness professional for more than 12 years and I have noticed something time and time again. People who are able to get the best results have one thing in common.
An extra gear.
I’m not talking about speed or strength necessarily. I’m talking about the ability to dig down and keep pushing when every muscle in their body is telling them to stop. They can work through pain, sickness, fatigue, etc… They just keep showing up, never letting excuses rule their life.
Here is my list of the top 3 types of people I have trained who are most likely to possess this extra gear. See if you can figure out which one is a little surprising.
-Athletes (especially fighters)
-Armed forces
-Moms
It’s pretty weird that fighters are on there right? Oh and moms too. But if you really think about it, it makes perfect sense. These are all people who have been mentally, physically, and emotionally tested but still came out on top. If you ever run into a mom who is a fighter in the armed forces, be prepared for a battle.
My question is this. If you are a mom and you are not happy with your body, what’s holding you back? What could be worse than getting 2 hours a sleep per night and then listening to a tiny thing that excretes and cries all day? the 9 months leading up to the delivery of this thing perhaps? The Geneva Convention banned stuff like that being done to POWs. You’ve been through worse!
This is your week moms. Time to take back your body and your life. It is time to go searching for that extra gear. You have it in you somewhere to achieve whatever it is you set your mind to.
Go get it.
Farewell to Lance
1020 days
by brawny7878
in Uncategorized
Lance was always awesome around kids
This has nothing to do with fitness, nutrition, motivation, or any of the usual stuff I write about. Mainly it’s just me saying goodbye to a significant part of our family, our dog Lance. If you’re not an animal lover this will mean absolutely nothing to you, but if you do love animals you will feel where I’m coming from.
My wife and I met in Auburn because we lived in the same trailer park during college. Because true love is everywhere when you live in a place where homes can be put on a truck and hauled away.
We met, fell in love, and I gained a wife as well as my first dog. Never felt cooler than the first time we took a man’s trip with him hanging his head out of the window of my truck while riding on the bench seat. I felt like I could have written a country song at any minute.
Just like with a lot of women, Lance was my wife’s practice baby. He came with more instructions than a Gremlin and actually had equipment he traveled with if someone ever watched him.
Lance was the best. Never barked, never attacked, always happy, would rather die than pee in the house. The sweetest, most well-behaved dog and everybody loved him.
Fast forward to having a kid and Lance was demoted from first string and I started calling him SF, Second Fiddle.
Years go by fast man. We aren’t sure how old Lance is. My wife got him from the pound when he was fairly young. Anyone who knows pound dogs knows they are great dogs, it’s like they know that you helped them out. Our best guess is that Lance was about 15 or so.
These past few years he has been in a steady decline, getting slower and slower. His arthritis getting worse, he started losing control of his bladder and throwing up a lot. Tough to see.
So today I took him to the vet and was told it was time. Crazy the things that go through your head. I mean it’s just a dog right? That’s what I tried to tell myself, but I couldn’t make it stick. What do you do when you know it’s time to put your dog to sleep? What do your tell your son, who has literally had the dog in his life every day of his life?
All I could think to do was go for a ride with him. He was always happiest when he could have the windows down, face in the breeze, and slobber all over my car. So I took him to pick up my son from school. It was the only thing that had gotten any response out of him for days. He even got a little bit of a dog smirk on his face and looked happy for a minute. Did he pee, slobber, shed, and throw up in my car? Sure did. But he also sat up with his tail wagging for the first time in days too.
To make sure my wife and son got to tell him goodbye we waited until tonight to have him put to sleep. Great to spend time with him, but torture to wait around all day with him in pain. I had a boot camp class to teach right before and it was tough to flip the switch and get ready to teach class. It’s what professionals do though.
I’m going to miss the old fella, he was there for so many memories. This picture is how I will always remember him. Crammed into a super tight tuxedo for dogs that was clearly uncomfortable, but he aimed to please so he wore it with pride. RIP Lance, thanks buddy.
Arky Shea’s Journey to Buffness Part Two
021 days
What you find when you Google "Arky picture". Who knew?
For those of you who are following along with Arky Shea, I have an update for you. If you are unfamiliar with his story, you can read the full deal here Arky Shea intro.
The basic story is, Arky is a young guy who realized he was living a really unhealthy lifestyle and decided to make a change. I have been there to offer a little guidance and help him change over to a new healthy style of living.
He weighed in then got his body fat and waist size measured. After 40 days we checked on his numbers again and we were pleased with his progress.
-Lost 18 pounds
-Lost 3 inches off his waist
-Lost 1% body fat
Those numbers are really impressive, especially considering he wasn’t on any kind of structured exercise program. The first phase we just worked on getting healthier, especially on the nutrition side of things. The best thing he did for himself was completely cut out liquid calories. No soda, juice, Gatorade, etc… Just water. That alone could really help anybody drop weight and vastly improve their health.
The second phase is starting now and it involves a more structured exercise plan. Arky is going to follow my 21 Day tight and Toned Transformation plan. It is actually on sale right now, just in case anybody wants to follow along with Arky as he goes about dominating his fat. These will be workouts that require only a deck of cards, a jump rope, and some paper plates to perform, with no workout lasting longer than 30 minutes. Also, he will be following the 21 Fat Loss Laws of Success that are included in the plan. The Fat Loss Laws will be the key to successfully dropping the amount of fat we are looking to drop. In the first phase his body fat did not drop as much as he was hoping for, but it did go down. I expect more fat to come off of him this go around.
Keep supporting my man Arky Shea and I look forward to seeing how well he can do on this fat loss jump start plan!
The 5 reasons you gained weight
024 days
by brawny7878
in Weight loss
This thing tells horrible lies about me
If you’ve gained weight it is probably due to 1 or more common factors. These factors include:
-Lifestyle
-Metabolic
-Aging
-Addictive eating
-Emotional eating
Lifestyle weight gain is probably the most common one. It is the combination of too much eating and not enough exercising. Too many calories coming in, not enough going out. The fix for this one is obviously to get more active and make better food choices.
Metabolic weight gain may have happened to you if you were eating the same amount of calories you always have, but then all of a sudden you are gaining weight. Your metabolism took a nose dive into Lake Makeamefat. Hormones, inactivity, and other factors can slow your metabolism to a grinding halt and make you awesome at storing fat. The exercises we do at boot camp and I personally do are specifically designed to kick the metabolism into overdrive and strip the fat away.
Aging weight gain you will see in many seniors due to loss of lean muscle mass. That is why it is so important for people of all ages and sexes to do strength training. The more lean muscle mass you carry, the more calories you burn at rest. That is why guys can drop pounds easier than women. More muscle.
Addictive eating or compulsive eating is a serious condition that can be responsible for weight gain. Sometimes it is certain foods that can cause you to go off. For me it is sweets. I just can’t turn them down, so I have to keep them out of the house. If you find that you are eating uncontrollably several times a week, you might need some professional assistance.
Emotional eating is also extremely common and a big cause for weight gain. The emotion causing the eating isn’t always sad, it can be stressed, happy/celebratory, angry, and whatever emotion you can think of. Keep a food journal and write down how you are feeling when you eat. Look back through to see if there is an emotional eating pattern you can correct.
Overcoming the dreaded weight loss plateau
026 days
by brawny7878
in Weight loss
No wonder I can't lose weight!
You’re going along great, you lost 20 pounds, and next thing you know… nothing. It can be one or a combination of things causing this. See if any of these look familar.
1. Loss of lean muscle mass-If your exercise program consists primarily of long, extended cardio exercise this could be why you quit losing weight. The more muscle mass you have the more calories you are burning while at rest.
2. Can’t keep up the pace-I call this The Biggest Loser effect. If you’ve never seen that show, the contestants are put through a crazy amount of workouts, fed all the right foods, and they do great. Have you heard about what happens to a many of the participants after the show? Many of them gain back the weight they lost on the show because it is hard to keep up.
I see people all the time that put themselves on a crazy exercise and nutrition program. Working out twice a day every day, eating absolutely perfect, etc… They are losing weight, doing great, and then it just wears them down.
3. Frustrated by plateaus- Have you got to that weight or size that you just can’t seem to improve? Everybody does and this is where many people get frustrated and give up. It is hard, but you can break through. This is what separates the people who have short term success from the people who keep making progress. Do not give up just because you reached a plateau.
4. Body adapts-Have you been doing the exact same thing for years? Something has to change. The exercises you do, your pace, the amount of weight you are using, your intensity, etc… You have to be constantly challenging your body.
5. Restricted calories-People who severely restrict calories will lose weight for awhile, but then they gain it all back plus a few more. For one, they lose their lean muscle mass as discussed earlier. When your thinks you are starving it, it will begin to store any calories you take in as fat. It doesn’t know when you will eat again, so your body wants to keep something for the rough times.
Another reason restricted caloric intake is bad, is because you will not be getting the necessary vitamins and nutrients needed to support your body and any exercise program you might be on.
No regrets
027 days
by brawny7878
in Motivation
Research shows that 75% of people name their biggest regrets in life as the things they didn’t do in life…not the things they did. So…
“Go to the effort. Invest the time. Write the letter. Make the apology. Take the trip. Purchase the gift. Do it. The seized opportunity renders joy. The neglected brings regret.” -Max Lucado
Take a look around at a lot of our older population. There are too many people that are bed ridden and pill riddled. Don’t let that be you!
Next time you don’t feel like working out, think of the person in the wheelchair who would give anything to complain about running or lifting weights.
Think about not just living longer, but better, healthier, stronger. Who wants to live stuck in a bed or chair? That is not living, that’s just surviving.
Stop eating the junk food.
Use proper portion control when you eat, especially if you eat out a lot.
Cut down on alcohol intake.
Do your cardiovascular training to keep your heart and lungs strong.
Do strength training so you’ll be able to stay lean and take care of yourself in your later years.
Cut out cigarettes completely.
Stretch or do yoga to keep your body limber, so you’ll be that spry old person people are amazed by.
It’s never too early or too late to start getting healthy, but the earlier you start the easier it is. Along the way you might just start looking better, but don’t let that be your only motivation.
Exercise is as close to a miracle drug as you can get. Legally…
What is it you really want to do? Why aren’t you doing it? Live without regret!
Change your mind set to change your body
032 days
This picture is what is known as foreshadowing
Time to check in on those Resolutions you made at the beginning of the year. Was one of your goals to lose weight this year?
Answer this question honestly. Am I slowly losing weight, staying the same, or am I slowly gaining weight?
It’s time to change your mind set about your goals if you are in the last two categories. If you thought “Lose 30 pounds” sounded like a nice goal, that is not good enough. You need a compelling reason WHY you need to reach that goal.
Maybe it’s because you went to the beach and felt self conscious about your body. Maybe you stood up before school, your jeans ripped to shreds, and you had to give a speech in front of your Psychology class that day. As a totally made up example that never happened to me my senior year in high school. Could be you just don’t feel good at your current weight.
Whatever it is, you need something that DRIVES you to reach your goals. What’s going to get you through your workout when you’re tired, hot, busy,etc…? It’s not going to be “Lose 30 pounds”.
For example, who do you think is going to stick to their workout plan. The person who said “I want to lose 30 pounds” or the person that says “I’m going to lose this weight because I want to be around to see my kids grow up”?
Whatever your goals is, find that personal, compelling reason that will propel you to success. Don’t dwell on the past, it is time start fresh right now with your new mind set., and really go after those goals.
5 ways to beat fatigue
035 days
by brawny7878
in Energy
Did this picture make you yawn? You need more oxygen.
Do you know what one of the most common reasons people cite for going to the doctor? Fatigue. A lot of us just do not have any energy.
Here are 5 ways you can help rid yourself of fatigue and get more energized.
1. Take some deep breaths. Sometimes your blood doesn’t have enough oxygen and too much carbon monoxide, which makes you tired and increases blood pressure and heart rate.
2. Move more. Desk jobs can be exhausting. When your body sits still for long periods of time it thinks it is nappy time. Every 30 minutes get up and walk around, or at the very least do some stretching.
3. Stop skipping breakfast. I should be a lobbyist for Big Breakfast as much as I am always talking about eating breakfast. Eating breakfast will not only jumpstart your metabolism, but also give you sustainable energy throughout the day. By the way, if you are factoring cheat meals into your nutrition plan a skipped meal counts as a cheat.
4. Stop slouching. Your mama told you to stand up straight, we all know that. But slouching can be a real problem though. It causes the whole body to have to work harder and can put excess strain on your hips and lower back. Plus you look taller and thinner when you stand straight up.
My younger brother came home from Marine boot camp a few years ago and looked 6 inches taller. Ask my mom some time, it was amazing. Nearly every job revolves around the computer these days, so bad posture is getting more and more common.
Tip-your ears should be lined up with your shoulders when you have good posture.
5. Be quiet! Noise=stress. If you are fighting noise all day long it is going to take a toll on your body. I don’t see how daycare workers do it. Get some noise canceling headphones, duct tape your kids’ mouths shut, do something where you can have a little peace and quiet. Your body will thank you.
It’s the big day, “The Wellness Code” is finally here! Get your bonuses TODAY!
039 days
Don't believe signs, you can't click to look inside.
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Just for purchasing the book today, and helping us get off to a great start, we’ve put together all of these great bonuses for you!
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